The hand of G-d

WND has an article about a Vietnam veteran who has written a book titled “The Day God Showed Up.”

On a bloody day in 1968, Army Sgt. Gordon Helsel lay bleeding to death in a Vietcong jungle. But as it would turn out, God had other plans.

After he made it to the medivac helicopter, he remembers talking to God.

“I laid there and I said to God, ‘God, if You will get me out of this, I will do whatever You want me to,’” Helsel said. “
Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2013/06/god-holds-vietnam-vet-to-his-battlefield-promise/#yt1V9WPujYxRgGIy.99

It's a good thing I am not G-d because, instead of concentrating on the man's condition, I would have first explained to him the rules of grammar.

I would have pointed out to Mr. Helsel how the first conditional is formed.

IF	condition	result
	present simple	WILL + base verb

Thus, Mr. Helsel should have said, "if you get me out of this" and not "if you will get me out of this."

I would have then pointed out to the Vietnam veteran the differences between "lie" and "lay."

But lie and lay seem to give people more difficulty than do all the other irregular verbs combined. Here's why: The past tense form of lie is lay, so it's indistinguishable from lay in the present tense except in usage.

     The principal parts (most-common verb forms) of lie are:

lie (present,) lay (past) and lain (past participle).
     The principal parts of lay are: 
                                
lay (present), laid (past) and laid (past participle).
  Mr. Helsel should have said, "I lay there" as opposed to "I laid there."

I caught the video below at The Blaze.

Something extremely rare happened to pro golfer Carl Pettersson during the U.S. Open on Friday.
...While on the 5th fairway, an errant tee shot came in hot out of nowhere and smashed right into his golf ball mid-backswing.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/14/the-odds-of-this-happening-during-a-golf-tournament-are-incredibly-small/

What are the odds?