Spurred by an article by Rachel Davids in Aish.com entitled Another Break Up, Sylvia Miner penned The Cruel Dating Game in which she tries to provide reasons as to why there are problems in the dating system.
Ms. Miner writes, "Obviously there are many reasons. But I suspect that it is one manifestation of an underlying attitude about what makes for happiness — the idea that I will be happy if I get just what is perfectly suited to Me. Our society constantly promotes the idea that, among the available options, I owe it to Myself to obtain the optimal option."
One of the comments posted included the following statement.
"There is a famous Shadchen in Crown Heights who has the couples that he sets up for dates come to his house prior to the set date. He then lets each go into a room where there is a full length mirror and tells them to take a good look at themselves from head to toe!!"
I was reminded of the above statement when I bumped into an acquaintance this morning at the local supermarket. Her son, who was in his late twenties, had gotten engaged recently and I wished her a hearty mazal tov. She pulled out a picture of the kallah, telling me what a sweet girl she was. She said that her son had been suggested top shidduchim from the best of families and ultimately ended up with a girl whose parents were divorced.
As I took leave of her, I realized it was rather ironic that this woman was bemoaning the fact that the kallah came from a broken family, when my friend was exactly in the same situation. She had also been divorced and had subsequently remarried.
Nobody's perfect. It is up to us to look in the mirror and to see ourselves as we really are. The person we will ultimately marry will not be getting 100% and will have to make compromises, so we shouldn't expect absolute perfection from our future spouses.
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