Being critical

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Rashi tells us that Yisro had 7 names. One was ‘Yeser' - because he "added" a parsha to the Torah, by giving Moshe advice to take help when judging Klal Yisroel. Rashi says that the parsha he added was "ViAtah Sechezeh' - and you shall seek out from the people judges who are wealthy, G-d fearing, etc.

The Gerer Rebbe asks, isn't it odd that Rashi quotes a pasuk from the middle of the story? These are not the first words of the dialogue between Yisro and Moshe. Rashi should have quoted the earlier words of Yisro (pasuk 17) - "Lo Tov HaDavar Asher Atah Oseh" - ‘It is not correct what you are doing by judging alone." Why did Rashi quote verse 21?

The Rebbe answers, it's easy to be critical about what someone else is doing. "You are doing it wrong!" I can do it better!" If one wants to give constructive criticism, he should offer a better way. By just saying, "what you're doing is wrong!" is not sufficient. Show the other person a better way how to do it. This is why Rashi does not quote the opening words of Yisro, "Lo Tov HaDavar Asher Atah Oseh"; since that would just be a standard criticism. Rashi wants to stress that Yisro criticized and offered wholesome advice. That is why he was called "Yeser'. He added the parsha in the Torah of "ViAtah Sechezeh', which are the words of his advice to Moshe.

http://revach.net/parshas-hashavua/quick-vort/Parshas-Yisro-Gerer-Rebbe-Yisros-Legacy-Is-His-Good-Advice-Not-His-Criticism/1728


This past week I was part of a WhatsApp group discussion which included the following comment.

There's a difference between giving constructive criticism and being critical. One is an opportunity for growth, the other shuts down ambition and learning.

So many relationships have been destroyed, particularly between parents and children, because of criticism. I will try to be more cognizant of what I say and apologize for any critical remarks that may have hurt someone in the past.