In an article entitled "Reflections after 30 years of marriage", Jonathan Rosenblum poses the question, "If marriage is so great, why do so many fail?"
He answers the question by stating, "For one thing, many people choose stupidly. They confuse the qualities that make for a fun date with those that make for a good marriage. Attraction is undoubtedly an important element in marriage, and the momentum it provides a good start for the long haul ahead. But respect for one's spouse is even more essential. My wife earned mine on our first date, when she slowly ate her meal without taking note of my hungry looks after I had typically gobbled down my portion."
He also says, "If one's choice of spouse is based on impressing one's friends or the fulfillment of some fantasy rather than on the desire to give to another and share with her, the future is bleak."
I remember many years ago, a young man told my parents, "I'm looking for someone who not only I think is a ten, but my friends will also think she is a ten." The guy wisened up in his fifties and recently got married.
Another time, my friend's father sat down and had a long took with me before proposing a shidduch for me. He told me that his wife knew after the first date that she was going to marry him. What impressed her so much that she knew, with certainty, after such a relatively short time span? He told me that after emerging from the hotel where they had met for drinks, he found a parking ticket on the windshield of the car. His future wife knew that he didn't have extra money to spend and, therefore, she was very impressed with his calm demeanor upon discovering the ticket. She knew this man would not blow his top and get angry aboout something as inconsequential as a parking ticket.
So, when searching for the right one, don't forget to look at the inner qualities and as long as you think she's beautiful (inside and out), that's all that matters.
May we hear about many simchos bekarov.
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